30 Weeks and 3 Days Belly Update

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Slip: Free People, Kimono: Anthropologie, Sandals: Sam Edelman “Trina”, Hairpiece: Francesca’s, Sunglasses: Tory Burch

Today, I am 30 weeks and 3 days pregnant and to be glumly honest, I feel and look like a beached whale. I really hate to sound so whiny but I think I need a moment to just this once, please, for my mental health! I have gained about 30% of my original body weight and I am not feeling good about this! Especially to think I still have 2 more months to gain weight?! I don’t even want to know how much more I will gain and I have stopped weighing myself about a month ago right around when my ring also stopped fitting.

Pregnancy is really very hard on the self esteem. I have never really had self esteem problems (except in my teenage years when just about every teenager goes through it). I just don’t like putting myself down and dwelling on negative thoughts about myself. I think it’s a waste of time and I just don’t put myself through that. But during this pregnancy, self-deprecating thoughts have started to creep up and it’s hard to keep them away.

It’s really hard and this has been the hardest thing I have to go through this pregnancy. It’s worse than the immobility that this humongous belly brings, it’s worse than the fatigue from just normal daily activities, and it’s worse than being unable to fight off those constant hunger pangs! It’s my first pregnancy, so I know that this is a whole new experience for me and that’s part of the problem. I have to just learn to adjust to these changes that are taking emotionally and physically. These are just temporary changes and I will go back to my old self and to top it off, after going through all of this, I will be rewarded with a darling little angel in my arms! Just thinking about my precious little Ruby Rose makes me forget all of the negative things above. I need to remind myself more often that I am doing all of this because I really wanted her to be a part of my life and it is all worth it for her.

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