My motherhood story started when I was 12 years old. Most 12 years olds daydream about dating or marrying their favorite boy band member, not this girl, I was daydreaming about having babies. I have had baby fever since I was 12 years old. That’s because I got a taste of how wonderful motherhood would be like at that age. I was already babysitting my 3 month old nephew at that age, or more like playing mother to him.
“Babysitting” is an understatement because it wouldn’t be just for a few hours, sometimes I would watch him all day long, and through the night. His mom worked night shifts and so he was left with granny and his aunties but I got the better portion of the babysitting job. When he spent the night, he would sleep with me on the daybed and so when he cried to be fed in the middle of the night, I would be the one to feed him.
Those experiences of having such a needy, tiny, and fragile baby to take care of brought out in me motherhood instincts and affectations, even at such a young age and it never went away. That was when I first knew I wanted to be a mother and have wanted to be a mother ever since. So, I bet my 12-year-old self did not foresee the challenges of becoming a mother and how it would take 16 years for this dream to finally become a reality and 2 of those latter years were some of the hardest for me.
I did not get married until I was in my mid-twenties and Micah and I wanted to wait a little bit to start trying to have kids. A year into marriage, we felt like we should start trying. We even bought a house expecting that we would surely be filling it with little babies soon. Well it did not happen that soon. It still took almost exactly 2 years of trying to finally conceive and with some help of fertility drugs.
For 2 years, I just could not get pregnant. I exercised and ate healthier. I tried to prep my body to be the perfect vessel for a baby but it just would not happen. It was frustrating and unnerving, because I know that every woman who is trying to conceive, there is that scary idea in the back of her mind, that “what if something is terribly wrong and I could never have children?”. I am not really one to stress and I just knew, call it a pre-mother’s instinct if you would, that I was going to be a mother…eventually. And it did happen.
When I finally got those positive results from the pregnancy test, you can imagine I was overjoyed! 16 years of wanting and waiting to be a mother and that time of my life is finally here. You see, not only do I want to be a mother, I really feel a strong need to be one. I need someone to need me. I need someone to look up to me. I need this responsibility. I need it because it will help me progress and grow as a person and who would not want progress in their life? Becoming a mother means, no more just thinking about you. You have to expand your mind, your life, your dreams, your future, your time, your everything, to include this other precious one. That is growth and progress.
So, this mother’s day, remember to think about how important you are! Because think about it, you are responsible for the care and well-being of another soul. What a HUGE responsibility and you are tasked with that! You are amazing! Happy Mother’s Day!