I love my camera. It has blown me away with it’s abilities. It has captured some amazing images, better than I could have imagined in my mind sometimes. It is a pretty amazing gadget and I seriously love it! Before Ruby came along, I used to call it my “baby”.
But lately, I have found that it has it’s limitations. I think that Ruby has especially brought that to light. There have been plenty of cherished moments that I have ached to capture but I have found I can not. These are some of the beautiful moments that would make such lovely images and I wished so much to capture:
-When Ruby cuddles with me at night…Both of us are on our sides facing each other and she is tucked in my arms and she rests her head on that hollow part between my shoulder and chest. Sometimes this is the only way I can get her to sleep. And I know that she would not have anyone else do that with her. Unfortunately not even her dad. In that moment, I can feel the bond between mother and child so strongly. I kiss her little cheeks and forehead and I hope that she can feel my love emanating while I envelop her in my hug.
-Saturday or Sunday mornings, when Micah, Ruby and I just lay in the bed. There is no work and no schedule to follow, the stress of the work week has melted away, and we just get to fully enjoy being a family. Sometimes we just lay there and talk while Ruby plays with her feet and sometimes we try to get Ruby to giggle and laugh. It is only on the weekends when we could begin a day like that, so it feels extra special.
-When I am feeding her and she stares with wide eyes into my mine and she just holds my gaze…Someone told me that sometimes babies don’t like it when the mother talks while she is feeding her baby. The baby does not like anything else distracting the mother. He or she wants the full attention. I have found this to be true with Ruby lately as she has gotten older. So, I try my best to give her undistracted and undivided attention. She usually feeds better this way. And I just love looking into her pretty, little face, with such a tender look on my face and I hope and pray she can feel and see my love while I cradle her in my arms. If only I can capture the trust and love that I see in her big, brown eyes in these moments. It would be a classic image.
-Ruby’s jumbo smile with her mouth open and with her tongue out and everything…I want to capture this so badly and have tried, but whenever a cell phone or camera appears, she does not do it. I have come to the conclusion that she only smiles that way when she sees her mother or father’s face grinning or smiling at her, and I guess that can’t really happen when we are behind a camera or cell phone, can it?
-Ruby’s laughter…oh, if the world can see her laughing, everyone would fall in love with her! So far, Micah and I have been the only ones lucky enough to witness it and we are wrapped around her fingers. She tends to do it when I spin and dance with her or when we play peek-a-boo with the mirror. She has a laughter that can melt hearts of iron.
While a part of me, the artsy/expressive part, is just itching, aching even, to capture these beautiful moments for the world to see, of how wonderful and beautiful parenthood is, there is this part of me, the more sentimental or maybe even selfish part, that is kind of elated that it can’t be captured and maybe it shouldn’t be captured. There is something about breaking out the camera in these moments that would take away from the genuineness and purity of it all. And for what? To share on a blog or exploit it in some other way? When something is just so perfect, just leave it be, relish it, enjoy it, treasure it in your heart or memory…be careful not to taint these moments. Sometimes, the camera should not have a role in these blessed moments. I am beginning to realize that. Some things are just too precious for cameras.